February 2011
39 posts
The Oscars: Ultimatum
Mom: the oscars start in five minutes, get out of the living room!
Me: NO! why can’t you just watch it in your room?
Mom: Because the tvs is biggr.
Me: I was here first
Mom: don’t make me g and pull THE BOX out from undr your bed that smells like weed
Mom: thats right, run!
[I love whenparentstext, and I love in-the-same-room text conversations. Joy.]
Duel 2: The Duellenning
I got another message from my Mystery Hater this afternoon. I say “Mystery” sarcastically, since my friends found most of his personal information online within hours of my posting of his previous message.
This time it’s from the fake Facebook profile of:
John Rusty February 23 at 5:06pm Report
Alright look man I waited outside brew-co for the whole damn comedy show caz the...
I Have Been Challenged To A Duel!
I received this message on Facebook today. Screenshot available later, when I have stopped laughing.
From: Jim Donohue
Subject: Hey ya fuckin piece of shit!
Hey my name’s Gordon and you can hit me up at [redacted]. I was at Westwood Brew co. on Jan. 18 and my buddy and I were watching your shit and you popped off at me with a gay joke. Asking me to suck your dick and whatnot, just caz...
What Am I Missing Here
Scientology has eight levels. As I understand the process, you pay thousands of dollars each time you advance a level.
They hit you with Xenu the Intergalactic Overlord at level THREE.
Who the fuck keeps going after that? What kind of nutjob says “well, that sounds reasonable enough for me to want to know what comes next”?
And what the sweet HELLFIRE do they try to convince you...
Serious question.
raspberryrush64:
Would you give Nicolas Cage an HJ for nachos?
Before you answer, consider:
These are really good nachos.
COVERED in cheese, beans, guac, sour cream, salsa, chiles, taco meat, you name it. Really, really good nachos.Thick tortilla chips dripping with cheese. Maybe the best you’ve ever had. A giant plate of them. They’re nice and warm.
Present-day Nic Cage. Probably takes...
nedhepburn asked: Burroughs had his heroin. Bukowski had his drink. You have cats.
The Moral Crusade Against Foodies →
oldmanweldon:
danminguez:
pauljay:
karlhess:
oldmanweldon:
pauljay:
atencio:
B.R. Myers: Expert on North Korean politics / yuppie flame-war instigator extraordinaire.
“The more lives sacrificed for a dinner, the more impressive the eater. Dana Goodyear: “Thirty duck hearts in curry … The ethos of this kind of cooking is undeniably macho.” Amorality as ethos, callousness as ...
The Moral Crusade Against Foodies →
karlhess:
oldmanweldon:
pauljay:
atencio:
B.R. Myers: Expert on North Korean politics / yuppie flame-war instigator extraordinaire.
“The more lives sacrificed for a dinner, the more impressive the eater. Dana Goodyear: “Thirty duck hearts in curry … The ethos of this kind of cooking is undeniably macho.” Amorality as ethos, callousness as bravery, queenly self-absorption as machismo:...
The Moral Crusade Against Foodies →
atencio:
B.R. Myers: Expert on North Korean politics / yuppie flame-war instigator extraordinaire.
“The more lives sacrificed for a dinner, the more impressive the eater. Dana Goodyear: “Thirty duck hearts in curry … The ethos of this kind of cooking is undeniably macho.” Amorality as ethos, callousness as bravery, queenly self-absorption as machismo: no small perversion of language...
1 tag
Celebrities Who Sound Like Spambots
Leighton Meester
Channing Tatum
Cobie Smulders
Cam Gigandet
Moon Bloodgood
Not one of the above names would look out of place next to a subject line full of exclamation points and misspelled names of boner drugs.
These were all I could think of off the top of my head. Can YOU add to the list?
3 tags
If the Republicans pass their latest law, it won’t be rape if you were drugged. It also won’t be theft if you’re asleep, and it won’t be murder if you’re a lady.
God Grammar Costs Nothing
I’m an atheist, and something I’ve noticed other atheists doing that makes me want to chop my computer in half with an axe is when they refuse to capitalize “God” in their prose. This is the atheist equivalent of loudly proclaiming “I DON’T EVEN OWN A TELEVISION” when someone near you starts talking about how good “The Wire” is. It’s...
Alternate Titles for Transformers 3
Transformers: No Refunds
Transformers: The Racismening
Transformers: We Eat Your Childhood
Transformers: Boy, 1984 Sure Was A Long, Looong Time Ago
Transformers: Seriously, Most Of The People In This Movie Were Not Born Yet When These Toys Were Invented
Transformers: Revenge Of The Gobots
Transformers: Massacre At Khe Sanh
Transformers In The Time Of Cholera
In Conclusion,...
If you want to get an idea of how bad standup comedians relate to each other on a daily basis, just watch any scene in “Full Metal Jacket” where 8-Ball and Animal Mother talk to each other. It’s all there.
