Stand up comedian. Based in Portland, Oregon. Will work for attention.
Many Partings
A couple of months ago I said goodbye to all my vices at once. This is what they said in return.
Alcohol: “Whatever, DICK. I don’t need you, ya piece’a shit! Fuckin…I do whatever, man. HEY! I’m talkin…talkin to yeeeeaaaaAAAAAAGGHHH. What. EVER.”
Fast food: “Honestly (blurk) I’m pretty (ulgh) pretty disgusted with myself at this (gllllkkgh) point. I don’t (BLURF) blame you.”
Pot: “Oh, you’re leaving? I didn’t know you were still here. Could you get some fast food while you’re out?”
Caffeine: “You’ll be back.”
Notes
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